Abstract

When non-heterosexual spouses come out of the closet to their husbands or wives, attention is generally focused upon the non-heterosexual member of the relationship. He or she is often lauded for having the strength to openly acknowledge and pursue a central component of his or her personal identity.Although the attention is justified in many cases, left unexplained is how the heterosexual spouse was treated prior to the revelation. I argue that many heterosexual-non-heterosexual pairings involve spousal abuse. The maltreatment stems from the deceived being treated as a mere means, and prevented from exercising her autonomy and receiving a nurturing marriage the heterosexual spouse expects and deserves.