By examining the case of one man in the early nineteenth century, this article challenges the assumptions of separate work and emotional lives for men and women and raises questions for the study of gender. The experience of Brigham Nims, as revealed in his diaries and letters, demonstrates that men and women did not live their lives in completely separate spheres during this period. Men could ignore the prescriptive adages of advice manuals and ministers, and regularly break gender-role stereotypes, yet (...) still be honored in their communities. They also engaged in special intimate friendships. If the separation of spheres was observed by individuals as rigidly as it was advocated in prescriptive literature, then it is unlikely that Brigham Nims would have sewed, cooked, ironed, and quilted with womenfolk. (shrink)