Most of us think we are about 15 per cent cleverer, nicer, more attractive and better drivers than others think we are. It seems deception begins at home. After all the most convincing liars convince themselves first. Sellers and buyers, parents and children, friends and lovers must conceal from each other the unutterable truth that they don't believe or want the same things. In this book, Ziyad Marar throws a revealing light on the many ways deception is woven into the (...) texture of human life: our wiring leaves us easily suckered by persuasive illusions, while our contradictory desires force us to cook up self-serving stories. We manage flattering impressions with effortless skill, while pretending our sins and self-indulgences are beyond our control.Drawing on insights from philosophy, psychology and literature, Marar explores the implications for living well in the shadow of Kant's humbling thought that "out of the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing was ever made". (shrink)

The hope for intimacy lies deep within us all. That moment of feeling uniquely understood, the antidote to isolation, is what gives us value, validation and self-belief. But as Ziyad Marar shows in this fascinating and engaging study, intimacy is a tricky business. The prevalence of social media, for example, is a sign of our desire for human connection, yet is a symptom of how little we truly achieve it. Often confused with love, intimacy is in many ways more important. (...) Marar's investigation and celebration of this elusive but profound human experience shows how intimacy is central to a life well lived. But how do we spot the real thing? Marar helpfully identifies a key set of ingredients - reciprocity, conspiracy, heightened emotion, kindness - that when brought together enable the strongest experiences of intimacy. Without these four characteristics in the mix we are experiencing something less, or something else. Drawing on a wide range of sources - from key thinkers, as well as telling examples from familiar films and novels - Marar illustrates the subtlety and intricacies of intimacy and shows how closely it is bound up with notions of trust, control, risk and our own insecurities. Intimacy, argues Marar, is a necessary component of a fulfilled life. Yet we should not take for granted that we know what it is and how to get it. A better understanding of this powerful experience and the many barriers to achieving it may just help us to brave the search for it. For anyone bold enough to do so, which should be all of us, Intimacy is required reading. (shrink)

Everyone worries about being judged. One foolish tweet can destroy a career, one careless image can ruin a reputation. Yet judgement is inescapable; we cannot be social beings without judging and being judged. We're stuck with judgement and all the awkwardness, embarrassment, shame, guilt and loneliness that can come with that. Yet all is not lost in this arena of snap verdicts and social misfires. In this sensitive and creative book, Ziyad Marar reclaims judgement proposing that we need it in (...) order to value ourselves and others; we can't live abundantly without the peaks and troughs of judgement. Drawing upon psychology, philosophy, TV, Film, poetry and literature, Marar reveals a world which takes seriously our need to reach out and connect and one where hope, however tentative, can blossom. There are no easy answers here, but there are moments where our judging can become generous and forgiving; moments where the cracks in the world feel like possibilities rather than dead ends, moments when the light comes in. (shrink)

Ziyad Marar presents a brief history of the quest for happiness, and of its relation to philosophy.